eHarmony Rejection Letter

Source:

A friend of mine (not in Waco) is single and had been impressed with eHarmony’s TV ads implying that “all you have to do is fill out our questionnaire” and “you will find happiness!” So, he filled out the questionnaire and here is what he received back from eHarmony, which basically states (by implication): “We have hundreds of thousands of clients and, after analyzing your questionnaire, we cannot find a single person that we would risk our business to match with you!!!”

The letter from eHarmony:

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

You prefer not to seek quick personal relationships, but rather build relationships slowly. Once your relationships are formed, they tend to be lasting.

You will generally not act impulsively. As a result, others around you may perceive a slowness of thought or action. This results not from slow thinking, but from complete analysis of the situation before acting.

You prefer to wait until you're sure of your ground before acting. This might mean after several visits to a new place, or after a few meetings with a new person, you will feel more open to risk or share trust.

You function best in an environment relatively free of conflict or hostility. When tension mounts, you may become silent; and if tension continues, you may withdraw or avoid the situation altogether.

You tend to think before you act. As a result, the things you do will be purposeful and deliberate.

You may not jump in immediately for a new idea or activity. You may need time to consider all aspects of the idea before supporting it with time and talent.

You will convey patience towards others in most situations. This patience comes from a need to maintain harmony. Others may read this as a strong stabilizing factor in your behavior.

Your strength is to bring stability, security and awareness of consequences to activities. In a sense, you may be considered as the one with the "conscience."

You dislike having to initiate new relationships. However, others may seek you out because you are a good listener, quiet and nonthreatening.

Because you may not call attention to your own accomplishments, you may benefit from others giving recognition to you occasionally. Constant recognition may make you feel uncomfortable.

You usually communicate with others in a reserved, diplomatic and congenial fashion. You are a careful and analytic listener who will generally not offer ideas or opinions unless asked.

When asked about your opinions, you may not share your ideas or opinions openly with those asking. You remain rather self-contained in social situations. Some may perceive you as aloof, but it's really caution.

You may be a steadying influence because of your restrained and unassuming way. You usually wait to be asked your opinion rather than offering an opinion.

Many different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness.

a.. Support principles.

b.. Allow time to ask questions.

c.. Take your time and proceed slowly.

d.. Use a thoughtful approach.

e.. If you disagree, organize your thoughts before confronting your partner.

f.. Keep the conversation at the discussion level, rather than confrontation.

g.. Be sincere and use a tone of voice that shows sincerity.

h.. Minimize risks by providing assurances for participation.

i.. Take time to be certain that you reach an agreement.

j.. Take time during explanations.

Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures.

a.. You tend to be an objective, careful evaluator of situations.

b.. You are excellent at listening to your partner.

c.. You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.

d.. You generally take pride in being a strong community member.

e.. You tend to have very high values.

f.. You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.

g.. You tend to set and maintain very high standards for yourself.

h.. You are skilled at being diplomatic with people in all settings.

i.. You are generally good at cooling down tense situations in a relationship.

j.. You like to gather facts and think things over before offering a strong opinion.

In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed.

You may want:

a.. Objectivity and logic in relationships and activities.

b.. Respect among peers and friends for your quiet manner.

c.. Time away occasionally--you value your privacy.

d.. Identification with your social group.

e.. To feel safe and secure in social situations.

f.. A feeling of security.

g.. Sincerity offered from others.

h.. Activities that may involve friends.

i.. Straight talk and straight dealing.

j.. Tried, established ways of doing things.